Not Buried Twice

Babies are dying preventable deaths... because of a deeply flawed home birth system. The time has come for change. And if we want change – if we want home birth to be a truly safe option – then it will have to be a consumer driven change. Women don’t deserve lies. Women don’t deserve the censored, twisted version of the “facts” about home birth. Women don’t deserve pseudoscience and misinformation. We deserve the TRUTH. We deserve the REAL statistics. We deserve the best care, accountability, and ethically driven care providers who err on the side of caution, not personal philosophy.

The purpose of the video and the #notburiedtwice campaign is to raise awareness. Planned home birth for LOW RISK women in the USA increases the risk of intrapartum and neonatal death at least 3-5 times compared to low risk women giving birth in a hospital. These are preventable deaths.

We are here to let those families know they are not alone. We support them. Their stories matter. Their babies matter. Home birth advocates are trying to silence them and pretend that their babies never existed. They try to bury these babies twice: once in tiny coffins in the ground, and a second time by erasing them from the public consciousness. We aren't going to let that happen. They won't be buried twice.

Be your own advocate. Don’t be fooled by good bedside manner. Don’t be fooled by the misinformation and lies. Learn the truth about home birth in the USA, learn the truth about the studies and statistics, read more here: Home Birth in the USA

For a quick breakdown of the numbers, comparing the 2014 MANA study (Midwives Alliance of North America), the CPM 2000 study (by Johnson and Davis, published in the BMJ), the 2013 Birth Center study (select CABC-accredited birth centers, majority of which were run by CNMs) and USA hospitals using CDC data, the mortality rates are as follows...

For each mortality rate below, it is intrapartum mortality (death during labor and delivery) plus neonatal mortality. And these numbers represent low risk women.

MANA study = 1.62/1000

CPM 2000 study = 1.70/1000

Birth Center study = 0.87/1000

USA hospitals (includes some high risk births) = 0.35/1000 - 0.55/1000

What does this mean?

Planned home birth has a mortality rate at least 3-5 times higher than hospital birth and twice as high as birth center birth (select CABC-accredited centers, that is).

For a more in-depth breakdown of the numbers and references, please click here.

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The people in this video are real people, with real concerns, with real stories of loss, with a common goal to raise awareness and raise the standards for out-of-hospital birth. A big THANK YOU to everyone who volunteered to participate. A special thank you to the mothers of Gavin, Ligia, Brody, Magnus, Mary Beth and Clara for your continued bravery. I know it is not easy to speak up and share your stories – which is why many home birth loss mothers won’t speak up publicly. So thank you, thank you, THANK YOU.

To all of you watching? Thank you for doing so. Please share this video to help prevent more preventable loss, to honor those that have died and the families that mourn those mothers and babies, and to take a stand for a change that is greatly needed.

The idea for this video came to me after watching my friend, Megan, shared her home birth story on YouTube. After many hours of writing, assigning, organizing the layout, gathering and editing individual clips of footage, I handed it over to my friend, Nick Murphy, to edit and put it all together. Thank you so much, Nick! The “#notburiedtwice” campaign was started by Dr. Amy Tuteur, MD in the aftermath of the death of Gavin Michael. If you’d like to read more about when and why this campaign was started, click here: Let's Hold Them Accountable.

Gavin's mother shared her son's story, an attempted home birth, on a Facebook page dedicated to her son. Gavin died at 42 weeks, 2 days due to meconium aspiration. His midwife went online, asking in a public forum about the risks and for advice, after it was discovered at 42 weeks, 1 day that Gavin's mother didn't have any amniotic fluid. Read Gavin's story here: In Light of Gavin Michael

Clara's mother shared her daughter's story, an attempted home birth, on her blog. After two days of hard labor at home, Clara's mother transferred to the hospital, where they discovered there was no longer a heartbeat. Clara died at 42 weeks, 3 days due to meconium aspiration. Read her story here: She Was Stillborn

Mary Beth's mother shared her daughter's story, a home birth, on the website "Hurt by Homebirth." Mary Beth was born at 36 weeks, 5 days. She died approximately 7 hours later, due to prematurity. Her midwife failed to recognize clear signs that Mary Beth was not receiving enough oxygen and ignored the concerns by Mary Beth's parents. Read Mary Beth's story here: Mary Beth's Story

Brody’s mother shared her son's story, an attempted home birth after cesarean, as a guest post on the blog “TheNavelgazing Midwife.” Brody died during labor, while his mother was being transporting to the hospital, due to uterine rupture. Read Brody’s story here: Anna's Uterine Rupture Story

Magnus’ mother shared her son's story, an attempted planned breech birth at a freestanding birth center, on the website “Hurt by Homebirth.” She also created the website “Safer Midwifery forMichigan” as an educational resource for anyone considering the care of a midwife in Michigan, or anyone who has experienced negligent midwifery. Magnus died 13 days after he was born due to complications during birth when his head became entrapped and he was deprived of oxygen. Read Magnus’ story here: Magnus's Story

At this time, Ligia's parents would like the details of their daughter's home birth and death to remain private.

Do you trust birth? Do you believe what home birth advocates tell you about home birth safety? Do you trust your midwife? Do you believe your midwife is incredibly capable, experienced, amazing, ethical, trustworthy?

These women did. 

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Not Buried Twice

We won’t let them bury you twice.

We aren’t going to let them forget.

Because you are profoundly loved.

And deeply mourned.

Because you mattered from the moment your mother found out about you.

And you will always matter.

More and more mothers, fathers and families are falling for the lies and misinformation.

More and more babies are dying preventable deaths.

More and more families are left with empty arms,

Broken hearts,

And wondering what just happened…

how did that happen?

Because they chose home birth.

Because people don't know the truth.

People don’t know how broken our home birth midwifery system is here in the United States.

Midwifery Today wants you to forget about Gavin Michael,

Deleting comments and banning anyone who asks about him.

But we aren’t going to let them forget.

We aren’t going to let them forget about my son, Gavin.

Or my daughter, Clara Edith.

Or my son, Brody.

Or my son, Magnus.

Or my daughter, Ligia.

Or any of the many other babies that didn’t need to die or who were needlessly injured during birth.

The Midwives Alliance of North America wants you to believe that home birth is just as safe as hospital birth.

But their own data shows that it is far from being “just as safe” as hospital birth,

Along with the data from every other study we have on home birth in the USA.

Out-of-hospital birth, especially with a non-nurse midwife, isn’t just as safe as hospital birth.

Not here in the USA.

Not even for low risk women.

It’s far riskier.

And people deserve to know that.

But they don't want you to know that.

They don’t want you to know how risky it is.

They don’t want people to know about the loss.

The preventable loss.

They don’t want you to know about our heartbreak.

Your precious, perfect little bodies have already been buried once.

And they are trying to bury you a second time,

by erasing your very existence.

But we aren’t going to let them.

You will not be buried twice.


Please share this video to help raise awareness, using the hashtag #notburiedtwice
Here is the video link: http://youtu.be/CRhkZKUNyMY

"Birth is beyond our control"

I wanted to share more with all of you the story of Acacia. Many readers had questions. I know certain questions will never be answered but in my conversations with Jenny (Acacia’s mother), I felt more of her perspective needed to be shared. 

My questions are in blue. Jenny's responses are in black. The bold areas are my emphasis.

To read the story of the birth and death of Acacia, click here

Thank you, Jenny, for being so brave to share your story.

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Can you explain what your birth “philosophy” was going into your first pregnancy? What I mean is how did you view the process?

I didn’t have a cohesive idea about birth, but I had a sense that it was “natural” and therefore straightforward.  (I thought the same thing about breastfeeding, by the way - what a hoot that was.)  I heard that “interventions” and fear during labor could cause problems for the baby, so of course I wanted to avoid all that.  Although I did worry about all sorts of things going wrong, I also felt that “natural is better.”

My childhood experiences with authority had been very negative. People with power over me had used that power to hurt me. I wasn't able to articulate this at the time, but I wanted to protect my baby.  My gut sense was that to keep the baby safe, I needed to avoid people with "power," including doctors or midwives. I had very severe anxiety, and because it was untreated, it prevented me from accessing prenatal care - I was able to see a doctor about three times in the whole pregnancy.  

How did everything end up going at the hospital for the birth of your first? How did you handle it emotionally given your anxiety? How did you feel about it at the time and afterwards?

The hospital scared me.  Sometimes I thought about not going.  Surely we’d know if something was going wrong, right?  And if nothing was going wrong, wouldn’t it be ok to just stay home?  I didn’t want something bad to happen to the baby at the hospital.  Steven wasn’t thrilled about this idea, but said it was my body and therefore my choice.  I promised him I would go if I had any doubts.

When I finally went into labor, I had a couple big drips of blood as I was dilating.  I knew about bloody show, but something about the bloodiness of the blood made me uneasy, so I asked Steven to drive us to the hospital.  

The blood was normal and everything was fine.  I had an excruciating 10 hour labor, and I pushed for 2-3 hours.  She’d had some meconium in her waters, and once she was born, the nurse thought she was more blue that normal, so she had to go to the warming/resus table immediately.  They brought her back to me and I got to hold her, and I was so happy.  

Everyone was absolutely kind to me and explained everything.  No one lectured me or yelled at me.  They said they were glad I came to the hospital even though I was afraid, and in the end, I was glad too.  

Going into the birth of your second, did you still feel the same about birth, about it all being a pretty safe process if it was natural?

I had therapy in between my first and second pregnancies.  I still had a lot of anxiety, but I started from the premise that we needed prenatal care.  Because we had a child already, I knew how precious the baby and I were, and how much our family needed us to be well.  The stakes were more real.

I chose a hospital based midwifery group, and Steven came with me to many appointments.  I met all twelve midwives, and I cried coming and going sometimes, because it was not easy work to talk about my boundaries or my fears.  But by the end of my pregnancy I was very comfortable with my midwives.

I did still think "natural is better" and that the more interventions I could avoid, the better. I was still afraid of ending up with a c-section.  I still believed that birth was basically safe.  As my due date approached, the midwives and I were able to talk sensibly about non-stress tests and post-dates inductions and rates of stillbirth after 42 weeks.  I scheduled my first non-stress test and prepared myself for the idea that I might have an induction afterwards.  I tried not to dwell on my biggest fear, which was that I would go for the NST and end up with a c-section.   Despite knowing there are many good reasons for a c-section, in my mind, there was nothing in between the two events besides a diffuse fear that the c-section would be “unnecessary.”  I ended up giving birth two days before my 41 week NST.  

Do you feel you took good care of yourself during your pregnancy with Acacia?

With Acacia?  Oh yes.  I ate well; I was sensitive to my body.  I did special exercises to prepare my body for birth.  I was kind to myself so my kindness would overflow onto her.  I took warm baths.  I was pleased to be getting prenatal care.  Right before she was born, I took long walks among magnolia trees, and I felt very nourished by the sight of the flowers.  I used to grab her leg through my belly and hold it.  She had a very robust feeling leg.  Compared to my first pregnancy, I was unworried.  I was comfortable with my decisions about where I was going to give birth and with who, and I felt confident in my body.  I still worried about the pain.  I still worried about “the cascade of interventions.”  I made plans to help me be comfortable in the hospital.  I was looking forward to meeting my daughter very much.

You have spoken to me at lengths greater than what has been shared here regarding your extreme anxiety with hospitals and doctors and authoritative figures... to those out there that are dealing with a similar type of anxiety, do you have any advice you could share? To those who seem the greatest fear is the "cascade of interventions," do you have any thoughts you could share here as well? Any thoughts on how to advocate for oneself?

That’s tough.  Anxiety is kind of like living in a box.  Sometimes you know there’s a bigger world out there, and sometimes you can see it through the cracks, and sometimes you have no idea you live in a box.  Being in the box feels rational because anxiety has it’s own internal logic.   My anxiety once worked to protect me, even if it was maladaptive for my adult circumstances.  Learning that my anxiety served me taught me that I could work with my fear.  If something made me feel unsafe, I learned how to find safety instead of just running away.  Counseling helped the most, but medication can also be a useful tool.  There’s nothing shameful about having anxiety, but it’s unpleasant to live with and worth addressing when it interferes with your life.

As far as the “cascade of interventions” goes, or more accurately, my fear of “unnecessary interventions,” it’s normal to be frightened of things that are unfamiliar, and which involve blood and surgery.  I think it would have helped me to understand that it wasn’t my responsibility to predict the future. Decisions that might seem less than ideal in hindsight could be the best, most ethical decisions at the time.  Successfully averting an emergency can sometimes leave little evidence of the danger that inspired the interventions.

Birth is beyond our control, but we react to it as best as we can.  Not every choice is, or can be a choice.  We can react to labor pain, or birth complications, but we don’t get to choose whether or not they occur in the first place.  Confusing autonomy with control hurts women.  It’s very easy to become crushed by disappointment, guilt, shame, and hurt if we measure our autonomy by how well we control the uncontrollable instead of by how we react when the uncontrollable occurs.  

It’s hard to give a really nuanced answer to the question about self-advocacy because every person’s situation is different.  For a person who was taught that having boundaries is dangerous, communication is not an easy thing to do.  Systemic factors such as racism and classism also impact the way that many women in the U.S. will experience and access maternity care. Any answer is going to be limited by these and other factors.

It can be helpful to ask as many question as you need to, before the birth, during, and after.   It’s also helpful to go into birth with a set of ordered priorities, so that if a complication arises, you know which goals you hold paramount and which you can set aside.  You do have rights; knowing them, and knowing who to complain to can help as well.   As much as it is possible to have a respectful dialog with care providers, that will help too.  

After the birth and death of Acacia you started to share your story with others... I have seen firsthand some of the appalling responses... Knowing the complication, I know that it is not something that can be remedied at home... no matter who may have been there with you during delivery, you would have been transferred.... and yet some seem very desperate to believe that it could have been prevented with the right person with you, as if a midwife or the right paramedic could remedy *any* potential complication. Why do you think that is?

I'm a grieving mother. Acacia’s first coos, first words, and first steps will never exist. To share her with the world, I talk about her birth and her death.  For some people, the idea of a baby dying is incomprehensible and it’s very natural to try to push those possibilities off and say, “That couldn’t happen to me.  I would make better choices.”  It’s too scary to think about otherwise.  There may be an element of hubris, too, in thinking it’s possible to be superhuman in an emergency, or thinking that reading something on the internet makes one an expert.  But I think it’s mostly fear.

People don't have to worry about the unthinkable happening to their babies if they can make up a narrative in which it wouldn't. After we learned what it was, I read everything I could find about my daughter's complication.  I questioned her doctors and my midwives endlessly. I made up a hundred different stories about how she could have lived, but in the end they are just stories. If we could have done anything different, we would have. To this day I wish I would have skipped the bath and just gone to the hospital.  This is wishful thinking too, because there was no indication that I needed to be in the hospital that early in my labor.  

How do you feel about birth now, after Acacia?

I don’t count on the process of birth.  My body is strong and wonderful, but it’s falliable.   I count on my care providers to be sensitive and cautious, and I count on my own resilience.  My third child is due in the spring, and I am doing what I can: prenatal care, screenings, ultrasounds, taking my vitamins, exercise, and a practice of gentleness.  Perhaps I will get to walk among the magnolias again.  I plan on going to the hospital at the first sign of labor.  Fear comes to me occasionally, but it’s an old friend, now.

My main concerns are brain damage and death.  My midwives know that if the baby doesn’t seem to be tolerating labor well, I prefer a non-emergency c-section to waiting and increasing the chances of an emergency developing.  This is no guarantee that the baby and I will make it through with minimal injuries, but it’s enough for me.

I'm struggling with how to ask this question as I don't want it be a question used to get an answer to scare pregnant women, so I'll just ask it and see where it goes... if you could say anything to someone who believes that birth is "as safe as safe gets" or who believes that "trusting birth" is all it takes to have a good outcome (and perhaps with a midwife present), what would it be?

Each of us makes our decisions based on what levels of risk we are comfortable with.  I can’t tell others what to do, because it’s such a personal decision, but I can share about what it feels like to be on the other side of a birth accident that occurred outside of the hospital.  

I have made my peace with my daughter’s death, and have found pockets of incredible beauty and holiness in our time with her.  This is a mystery to me, because that peace includes acknowledging that there's nothing beautiful about an innocent baby suffering. There was nothing wonderful about deciding to withdraw life support interventions from our dying, brain damaged baby so she could have a peaceful death.  

Even if absolute risk may be low, the impact of birth complications can be catastrophically high.  I can’t control whether or not these complications will occur, or even that I will be in the right place at the right time, and yet, I still will try because I think there is value in trying to avert things that are terrible, even if we can't guarantee we will be successful.  There’s value in trying to avert death or terrible injuries, even though all life ends in death and we cannot avoid all injuries.  Uncertainty is part of being human. This might sound bleak, but it's a very peaceful place to be.

"Magnolia" photo courtesy of fionaandneil

Acacia's Story

Today’s post is a guest post from a loss mom. This is Jenny’s story (in her words) of the birth and death of her daughter, Acacia.

"I've been deliberately vague about the complication that my daughter suffered because some people have been unable to resist the urge to pick over the details of her birth and suggest that if we'd had "better" paramedics, or a midwife, something could have gone differently. This is both unhelpful and unrealistic. The paramedics' quick thinking meant we had a chance to get to know her before she died. But no matter what anyone tells you, paramedics do not have operating rooms, surgical teams, anesthesiologists, blood transfusions, neonatalogists, neonatal nurses, or respiratory therapists hidden away on that ambulance.  They just don't.  And neither do midwives.  The best, most experienced homebirth CNM in our area transfers at the drop of a hat exactly because she hopes to avoid injuries like the one my daughter suffered. 

Unfortunately, what happened to my daughter was something no one could have predicted.  My daughter's complication is one of those events every OB and midwife fears.  The only thing that could have made a substantial difference to her outcome was a change in our location prior to the event - if we'd been in the hospital instead of in my kitchen. 

~

Before I had my first child, I was terrified of doctors.  I had unrelated trauma that made trusting anyone an ordeal.  What I read and heard about natural childbirth left me believing that in a hospital, I would be medically battered, strapped to a bed, shamed, touched without my consent, and bullied into accepting interventions I did not want.  Nevertheless, when my time came, I asked my boyfriend to drive us to the hospital - "why" would be too big of a story to go into here.  Imagine my relief when I was treated with kindness, dignity and respect.  We brought our firstborn daughter home at three days old.

When I was pregnant with our second child, I felt that my previous experience in the hospital had been decent enough to repeat. Many of my peers had or were having home births and I eagerly listened to their stories. But as nice as they sounded, I decided that three days in the hospital would allow me to rest up before launching into the challenge of being a mother of two. Planning a second hospital birth was a housekeeping decision. I was not particularly worried about safety because through playground chats and reading about natural childbirth on the internet, I'd come to accept the notion that "birth without interventions is best," and that women should "trust birth." Underneath it all was a belief that birth is basically safe. When I talked about birth with other moms, we sometimes wondered if this intervention or that intervention had really been necessary. But we seldom, if ever, talked about death as though it were a real possibility.

Then my daughter, my second child, died because one of those "rare" split-second, every minute counts birth emergencies. Despite living just minutes from two hospitals (mine, and the one with the best NICU in the area), we did not make it in time. My labor was irregular then suddenly intensified. Just as I was putting on my shoes to go to the hospital, I started involuntarily pushing and my water broke.  I couldn't make it down the stairs, so my boyfriend called 911.

The paramedics arrived promptly and by the time they did, she was crowning. They did all they could while I gave birth there on my kitchen floor, paralyzed by labor and unable to speak. But as close to the hospital as we were, we might as well have been an hour away. 

We didn't know at the time, but moments before our 911 call, she experienced a complication. Because of that complication, she did not breathe at birth, and was in need of some very specialized help - the kind of help you can only get from a well-oiled pediatric team in a hospital. The paramedics attempted to start her breathing, gave her oxygen, cut her cord, took her, called ahead in the ambulance, and were met by NICU staff at the entrance of the ER. My boyfriend says a a swarm of people began treating her the moment she arrived, and she was not yet ten minutes old.  

My daughter lived four days, and despite being treated with a cooling blanket, she suffered total brain damage and the breakdown of her body following the long oxygen deprivation. Together with her care team, we chose to have her healing supported by technology as long as there was a possibility she could actually heal. However, as the days went on, we learned that her kidneys and her gut were destroyed. Her other organs were following close behind and her body could not recover. We brought family and friends to meet her, and then we chose to discontinue any intervention that did not add to her comfort.  Her dad and I got to spend several hours holding her and watching the sunset with her.  These were some of the most beautiful and holy hours of my life.

After I came home without my daughter, I searched for stories similar to what had happened to her and was horrified to find that they mostly happened to women and babies who'd had planned home births.  Getting out of the house always took longer than anyone would have imagined, and devastating brain damage was always the result. Women who happened to be in a hospital when similar birth accidents occurred generally got scary crash c-sections and mostly - though not always - took their living children home.  I met a mother in the NICU whose baby was born in the hospital, didn't breathe for eight minutes, and received the same cooling blanket treatment my daughter would receive. Her daughter was going home healthy and neurologically intact. What other differences there were between her daughter and mine, I can only guess, but any baby who doesn't breathe for eight minutes was almost certainly in trouble before birth too. It took eight minutes just to get my daughter to the place where she could receive the breathing help and blood transfusion she needed.

At one time, I had fervently believed that my body knew just what to do, but I came to resent every time I'd ever read "trust birth" or "birth is safe" or "our bodies were made to do this" or "all you need is instinct" and "interventions are what cause complications." Every time that I read, "If an emergency happens we will just go to the hospital." As if it were that easy. The paramedics had arrived to my house before we anyone suspected anything was wrong. I also resented the fact that I had feared a c-section more than I had feared my child dying. I resented the fact that I had worried about the "cascade of interventions" more than I had worried about brain damage. I had been worried about all the wrong things.

In the hospital, we were treated with more compassion than I have ever encountered in my life. From the moment we arrived in the emergency room to long after we left our daughter, newly dead and swaddled, they focused not just on the physical, not just on her health and mine, but our whole family system, our feelings, her comfort, our comfort, her humanity. Her essential value as a person was at the center of every decision, from the one to try to save her, to the one to let her go.

The doctors and hospital midwives were more than willing to admit that they didn't have all the answers, and that sometimes things happen that can't be prevented or fixed. They refused to speculate - if only I'd done this or that. All they would say is, "If you had been in the hospital, we could have done x, y, and z. We can give you percentages on how often that is successful, but we can't promise your outcome would have been different. I wish we could. I wish we could tell you this will never happen again. But we're not gods." And in a small way, that saved me because it was the truth. The truth is we never had a guarantee.

I'm not telling my daughter's story to say that women should not have home births - that's not my decision to make for others. But I am telling her story because I think that the notion that "birth is safe as life gets" is a shaky one. No decision should be made on that premise. Birth is not as safe as life gets. Mothers and babies can die and the human race will go on. Most of the time, people get lucky, and things go off well enough. When shit goes bad, it has the potential to go really, really bad. We cannot control whether our babies survive birth by eating a special diet, doing the right stretches, or with positive thinking. I was low risk as can be. My baby didn't die because I failed to trust birth or my body. She didn't die because unnecessary interventions interfered with her natural process. She died because sometimes, in the absence of the right kind of help, and sometimes even despite it, birth kills.

I miss her little face. Not a day goes by that I don't regret the fact that I never heard her cry, that I will never hear her cry, or that I never got to see her as the healthy baby she was before she was born.

My boyfriend lost his child. My older daughter lost her sister. Our brothers and sisters lost a niece. Our parents lost their grandchild. My friends lost a dear new baby to love and watch grow up.

She wasn't mine alone to lose.”

Baby Acacia after resuscitation

Click here to read more from Jenny's mother on her experiences and thoughts regarding birth - where they once were and where they are now, after their loss.

Of Ethics and Home Birth

Or... Of Care Providers and Home Birth

Caveat: This was a hard blog post to write. Reading stories about the death of a baby is hard enough, but to read some of these stories from the mother's perspective is just heart-wrenching. As I have put this together, it seems very cut and dry... but I assure you it was not easy for me to do this as these are not easy stories  about which to read. I cannot imagine actually living through them and my heart goes out to each of these mothers, fathers, siblings, grandparents, etc and most especially, these sweet babies. I tried to use the names of the babies where I could but in some cases, the names were not given.

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Hospitals of course will see their fair share of infants that die b/c they obviously have much higher risk clientele. They have women who have zero prenatal care and walk in off the street. They have babies born at 23 weeks gestation. They have babies born to drug addicts. They have babies born with congenital birth defects. They will see and deal with every sort of high risk pregnant woman and the baby she carries.

When I was debating between home and hospital, I found one key question that really got to me:

Are there healthy, full-term babies routinely dying in hospitals that would have lived had they been born at home?

Are there?

Here are some stories of healthy, full term babies that have died or were injured at home births.... babies that  (most likely) would have lived had they been born in hospitals. And these are their care givers.

(You can click on the link for full the story or investigation. I am providing what I found to be the most shocking details in bullet-form lists under the names.)

Karen Carr, Certified Professional Midwife (CPM), Virginia

- baby was in breech position, which the midwife knew prior to labor; mother was 43 years old and was a first time mother

- baby's head entrapped during delivery for more than 20 minutes

- an additional 13 minutes passed while midwife attempted resuscitation before she called for emergency medical help

- baby died two days later

- money was raised by Karen Carr's supporters to pay for her legal fees... none raised for the family whose baby died

- Ina May Gaskin planned to testify on behalf of Karen Carr (Karen Carr accepted a plea agreement to avoid trial) 

Faith Beltz, Certified Professional Midwife (CPM), Texas

- midwife either ignored or did not recognize the signs of placental abruption (placenta detaches from the uterine wall)

- mother had a fever during labor, baby's heart tones were above 180, mother was passing blood clots and there was meconium in the amniotic fluid

- quote from the mother: "in the birth records, Faith repeatedly states that I was refusing to transfer. She NEVER said “transfer” to me. She never said “emergency”, or “abruption”. This is backed up by the other 3 people at my birth."

- quote from the mother "Please pay close attention to these words…the hospital was 3 MINUTES from my house. But that means NOTHING when bad things are happening and you are in hard labor. It took at least 30 minutes to get to the car. 30 MINUTES. Don’t fool yourself into thinking you are safer than you are."

- Baby Aquila was born still at home from an infection and complete placental abruption

Evelyn Muhlhan, Certified Nurse Midwife (CNM), Virginia and Maryland:

Complaint #2 of 5 of the investigation:

- administered Pitocin at a home birth, used vaginal chlorhexadrine (Hibiclens) to treat GBS infection, fundal pressure applied to help baby descend in second stage, misdiagnosed fetal station resulting in unnecessary episiotomy

- the mother called ambulance after 3 hours of pushing

- hospital transfer, baby born limp and blue, was OP with a nuchal cord, NICU stay for almost one month before transfer to a pediatric rehabilitation center, suffers from HIE and seizure disorder

- Johns HopkinsHospital ordered to pay out $55 million to the parents because the parents believe it was the hospital's fault the baby was not born in time to prevent the brain damage. The jury was not aware that it was an attempted home birth. The hospital is appealing the award.

Complaint #4 of 5 of the investigation:

- attempted HBAC (Home Birth After Cesarean)

- at 40.5 weeks, ultrasound indicated estimated weight of 9 lbs, 3 oz

- fetal heart tones indicated distress, 911 called, midwife delayed hospital transport and asked the EMS to "stand by" for over 20 minutes while the mother continued to push; EMS finally insisted on the transport

- cesarean performed immediately upon hospital arrival, baby was OP with tight nuchal cord and the uterus had ruptured

- baby was born still

- her license has been suspended by the Maryland Board of Nursing

- money was raised to help pay for the midwife's legal fees

Colleenand Jerusha Goodwin, Certified Professional Midwives (CPMs), Idaho:

- June 2008: baby girl born without oxygen leading to permanent brain damage, $5millionsettlement awarded to the couple (not sure if they will get a dime though as the midwives are planning to file for bankruptcy)

- October 2010: umbilical cord not clamped before it was cut, significant blood loss to baby; on admittance to hospital, baby had respiratory failure and severe HIE. Baby died 14 days later.

- June 2011: diabetic mother; baby in distress during labor; midwife delayed paramedics from entering the patient's room for at least 4 minutes; baby died.

- August 2011: 48 hours of active labor, 10 hours of pushing; baby born limp and unresponsive with meconium staining around the mouth; midwife didn't call for paramedics for 11 minutes after birth. Baby died. Autopsy performed and stated "the cause of death was anoxic brain injury secondary to a prolonged vaginal birth complicated by meconium aspiration."

- a RALLY was staged in support of the midwives. What a slap in the face to the loss moms and dads who lost their babies at the hands of these midwives....

TheGreenhouse Birth Center, combination of CNMs and CPMs, Michigan:

- the parents were reassured that it was safe to have a vaginal breech delivery at their birth center

- quote from the mother, regarding breech vaginal delivery: "They made it seem like it was even safer than having a C-section at that point. There was no discussion, no use of the phrase ‘high risk.’ No discussion of how your baby may not survive or your baby may become entrapped."

- baby boy's head became entrapped in her pelvis after his body was born

- baby Magnus was born without a heartbeat, transferred to the hospital and died after 13 days in the NICU

- the mother is now an activist for safer out-of-hospital birth practices. Please visit SaferMidwifery for Michigan.

- Ina May Gaskin, along with a slew of other midwives, offered her support to the midwives but not to the couple who have been all but shunned by the community that once embraced them. The loss mother responded to this with an openletter to Ina May.

- pretty much par for the course that money was raised to help the midwives pay for their legal fees but not for the family, who is also paying legal fees and also had to pay for birth center fees, EMS fees, hospital fees, and funeral fees. 

Dr.Biter, OB/GYN, California:

- 7 cases of Gross Negligence investigated by the Medical Board of California, which led to license suspension

- after a new and completely separate incident, his license has been suspending indefinitely after a July 2012 home birth in which the baby died

- he still has followers that believe he lost his job b/c of his popularity and support of natural childbirth

CaraMuhlhan, Certified Nurse Midwife (CNM),New York:

- this is the midwife featured in the movie The Business of Being Born

- one mother labored for over 72 hours after her water broke, transferred to hospital, had 103 degree temp, baby born and rushed to NICU for a 5 day stay; midwife told the couple at the postpartum visit "I had a plan the whole time, and you just didn’t trust me."

- in 2003, a mother sued Muhlhan b/c her son suffers from Erb's Palsey as a result of trauma from shoulder dystocia during birth, which may be due to the way the midwife handled the dystocia; the mother also believes the midwife was negligent that she did not recognize the baby to be too large for vaginal birth

- in 2007, a mother lost her baby under Muhlhan's care. After a long labor, the baby's heartbeat began to decel during second stage; the baby was born still

- in 2009, another couple lost their baby under Muhlhan's care and is sueing her for negligence and for failing to transfer. The mother labored for 3 days before giving birth to a stillborn baby.

Tamra Roloff, Certified Professional Midwife (CPM), Washington:

- August 2009 birth: warned by her midwife against ultrasounds, the mother did not know her baby was breech until she was in labor. The baby was partially born during the hospital transfer in their car but the head was entrapped for the remaining 15 minute drive. A doctor rushed out and delivered the baby with forceps in the back of the car. Mother needed surgery to repair her 4th degree tears. Baby needed resuscitation and was LifeFlighted to Portland. The baby boy died due to brain injuries.

- March 2010 birth: after 34 hours of labor after the mother's water broke (labor that was plagued with maternal fever and high blood pressure), the mother suffered a seizure; hospital transfer; baby was born still after cesarean due to placental abruption that took place while she labored at home. The mother nearly lost her life as well and was LifeFlighted to Portland, due to eclampsia and acute respiratory distress.

Hurt by Homebirth stories, which highlights far too many negligently practicing midwives

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These are just some of the stories I have read that got to me. Sadly, there are more. A lot more. More negligence. More sweet babies lost. There have been (and continue to be) many more stories in the news and there are other stories that didn't make the news but the moms have shared their home birth loss stories on their blogs or in online forums, etc.

I don't think trusting what we see in dramatic television shows is the answer but we can't just cover our ears, yell "la la la la" and pretend that either birth always goes perfectly if a "woman is left alone to give birth as our bodies are designed to do" or that it only goes awry for those who don't fully "trust birth". Those are extreme beliefs that are not only dangerous but they are setting up any woman to feel like a failure if her birth does not go exactly according to plan. I can't tell you the number of times I have read a woman's birth story who feels that she has failed if any interventions come into play.

We also cannot support home birth midwifery to an extreme extent that we won't accept or acknowledge that not every birth will be normal, that low risk does not equal no risk, that not every home birth midwife is ethical, that not every home birth midwife is skilled enough to be able to handle certain emergency situations, even if they are certified.

Why is it such a hard pill to swallow for so many home birth advocates? Is it b/c it affects their livelihood? Is it pride? Is it ignorance? Is it fear?

As we are all very different, unique people, we will all process things in our own unique manner. Two people can witness or experience the exact same thing and walk away with a different perception and opinion of the event. These stories might not even make you bat an eyelash. They instead may make you roll your eyes and think "this crazy doula is just trying to scare me." But for me, reading stories like these didn't scare me. They shook me. They added a big dose of reality to a very romanticized notion that I once believed in... that birth is natural and normal, we just need to trust it and trust our bodies.

Due -- A Birth Story

I came across a birth story about a month ago that touched my heart. I know sometimes we may take for granted why due dates are important and why many doctors and midwives alike get anxious with each passing day over 40 weeks. Here is the story about the birth of sweet Clara linked below with a note here from Clara's mother, Heather:

"As a mama who just went through a pregnancy that went to 42w3d and ended in a perfectly formed but stillborn baby, I know that I would do things differently if I had a chance. If I'm ever fortunate enough to be pregnant again, I will do things differently then.

I believe strongly in natural unmedicated birth, but there comes a point where there is a risk to the baby... and that risk is NOT worth it, not even for a second. It's not just about the mama's comfort level... my comfort level was just fine, because I heard all of the "I went to 43w+ and my baby was fine" stories and I believed that my baby girl would be fine too, if I just allowed nature to take its' course. I was wrong.

Nature doesn't always take the right course, and not always in the right time frame. Believe me, no soapbox or belief system is worth the loss of your sweet baby."

Here is the birth story of Clara Edith:
http://www.thedestinymanifest.com/2012/08/she-was-still-born.html

(shared with permission)