Dear NUCB-aspiring Mama

Dear pregnant mama,

This letter is especially for you if you are hoping to have a natural unmedicated childbirth (NUCB) with as minimal interventions as possible.

I hope your pregnancy is going well. I hope you are able to enjoy it as it truly is a miracle to have a life growing inside of you... this little life that you are going to come to love in a way that you cannot yet even fathom.

But right now, your focus may be on the birth. It's a big day!

You want to feel empowered, you want to feel fearless. You want to trust birth. I get it. I've been there and I know many other mamas that have been there, too. I'm a birth doula. My sole purpose is to be there for the mother to help her have the experience she desires. I cherish the role I have as a doula and take it very seriously. It is an honor and a privilege to be with a woman as her doula!

For my own personal reasons, my preference has been non-medicated, minimal intervention (unless interventions became needed, which they did not). It is how I gave birth to both of our children and going forward, if we decide to have more, it is still my preference. I truly understand the desire for a NUCB.

You may be thinking that fear has no place in birth. What you have read, what you have watched, what you have heard is all sending you the message that trusting birth is all you need to do. Trust your body, trust your baby, trust birth. You might be thinking that.... a hospital will turn your birth into a medical event; a doctor is only concerned with the bottom line; a "medwife" (a CNM) has become too brainwashed by the medical world. They all have fear in their hearts and minds and don't believe in the natural process of birth… or at least, they don’t believe enough.

What you may not realize is that those seeds of fear have already been planted in you. You likely now fear interventions, hospitals, hospital personnel - if you are giving birth in a hospital (especially if it's not your first choice to do so), you may be thinking you are going to have to put up a "fight" to get the birth experience you are hoping for. Your mind and body are being conditioned to tense up when you head to the hospital. This is not going to help you emotionally cope with labor nor is it going to help your body if you are full of tension. You may be like me -- some one who had no reason to fear a hospital other than b/c of what I was led to believe by others, by books, by movies but NOT by personal experience.

Or you may fear your hospital b/c you had a bad experience with a prior birth. Talk to your doctor about it. Tell him or her that you need help processing it. Your doctor and the nurses that assisted in your birth are the ONLY ones who know the details of your situation. Perhaps in hindsight certain measures were "unnecessary" but at the time, they may have been the safest, most ethical way to proceed. For anyone else to make assumptions on whether or not your birth should have unfolded the way it did is JUST making assumptions... and filling your head with fear and doubt and anger and essentially, making you feel foolish for consenting to the measures taken. Don’t allow someone take advantage of you like that.

While I have seen and greatly appreciate the strides our maternity system is making, not all hospitals are perfect. Not every care giver is going to be in a wonderful, welcoming, plenty-of-sleep-and-able-to-brighten-your-day mood every single day at their job - we are all human. We all have off days. Not all hospitals have beautiful, updated maternity suites and can provide the ambiance and experience you would get in the intimate setting of your own home. But birth is not just about experience. More than anything, it's about having a healthy and safe baby and mom. If it wasn't, there would never be any home birth transfers. The end goal ultimately (and rightfully) outweighs the process - any ethical birth worker would agree.

You may be thinking that your desire for a natural childbirth is setting you up to feel empowered. And it can be a very empowering experience! But I have seen it time and time again that it ends up doing the opposite. Women end up feeling like they have failed completely if their birth experience doesn't end up the way they hope. It may be a smaller matter that ends up bugging you for days or weeks or maybe even longer... or your "worst case scenario" may have unfolded -- even with a healthy baby to hold and your body recovering well.

A less than ideal birth experience is not the worst case scenario. In this day and age in our country, the loss of a baby or mother in childbirth is so rare that it's easy to take for granted that childbirth is not without risks. Our perinatal mortality rate here in the USA is fantastic. But it is not perfect. No country in the world has a perfect perinatal and maternal mortality rate. Loss happens. It happens b/c childbirth is not without risks -- no matter where you give birth, no matter how healthy a mother and her baby may be, no matter how low risk a pregnancy might be before labor begins.

While the birth experience is important, it is not everything. We don't get pregnant to just give birth. We don't carry a baby for 40 weeks to just give birth. Labor and birth are a matter of hours (maybe days) but raising your child is what you will (hopefully) do every day for the rest your life.

While, to you, your birth experience may inspire you as a mother - it may help you personally feel more connected or fit to take on the ups and downs as a mother - but it does not mean that someone whose experience was the complete opposite will be any more or less fit to be a mother, any more or less connected, any more or less anything. Our babies - whether they are born vaginally, surgically, or by someone else's body - are our children. Our bond with them is beyond so much more than any single moment in time.

Don't lose sight of what it's all about, mama. Don't go into your birth thinking it will be a fight. Ask questions (please do!) but don’t attack anyone or assume they are against you. There are so many hospital personnel that love their job and want to do everything they can to give you the experience you desire. Go into your birth with a kind heart and open mind, with good energy, a welcoming attitude and the excitement that you will soon meet your baby! And please, don't let your plan become so rigid that it becomes an obsession – especially at the potential risk to yourself or your baby.

At the end of the day, you can love your birth experience as much as you want, but it will never love you back. Your child will.

Sincerely,

Doula Dani

Birth Isn't Medical

My kids will be able to drive their own cars some day. My husband and I will do our best to teach them to drive safely and will also have them take a driver's ed class. In an effort to reiterate how important it is to be a defensive, safe driver, my husband and I will share some personal stories of losses we have experienced in our lives due to reckless driving, sadly because we have both experienced such losses of either dear friend or relative. Are the stories meant to scare our children? No. They may scare them, true. But they will be told in our efforts to be completely honest with them as to why we want them to drive safely and that it’s ok to tell a friend “slow down” or similar if they are driving with a friend who is driving recklessly.

If the odds are with them, they will never be involved in a fatal car accident.

Is driving a car anything like having a baby? No, not really. Not physically nor emotional. But they both have risks. Many factors in both cases can turn relatively small risks into very large risks.

I once read in a forum a simple sentence that spoke volumes to me. When I read it, it made complete sense to me and it has stuck with me ever since. It was this simple sentence: Birth isn't medical... until it is.

Birth isn't an illness. And I don't personally believe it is an accident waiting to happen. But that doesn't mean an accident can't happen. If the odds are with a low risk pregnant woman, she'll have an uneventful, safe labor and delivery. But low risk does not mean no risk. How can we predict when birth will become a medical event? Do we just trust that if someone takes good care of themselves during pregnancy, then all will be well? What about those who do everything "right" during pregnancy and labor but still end up in an emergency situation?

I wanted to share stories - real life stories - of events when birth became medical, and in some cases, when it became a down right emergency. It's in those moments - moment when being around professionals who know what to do and how to do it with many hands and minds to help - that it is very clear that birth isn't medical. Until it is.

I'm sharing them in an effort to spread awareness. Not to scare you. Information is power. Not just the good, happy information. All information. 

Thank you to all those who shared their stories with me!

****

Christine’s birth of her third daughter:

"Penelope was my third vaginal birth after a low-risk pregnancy. Labor and delivery was fine, no complications or issues. It wasn’t until after she was born that we learned there was a problem. We didn’t even notice it, actually. She looked fine to me. Our nurse just didn’t think she looked and sounded right so she thought giving her a little oxygen would help. Quickly, she realized she needed to call a team in for help – which happened within minutes, maybe seconds. Once they arrived they very quickly determined that Penelope was having trouble breathing and she needed to be placed immediately on a ventilator. They prepared to move her to a hospital that was better equipped to take care of her. Before transporting, the medical team determined she had a diaphragmatic hernia. Basically, there was a hole in her diaphragm, which restricted her lungs, making it very challenging for her to breathe without a ventilator until after her surgery. Diaphragmatic hernias can be much worse. Penelope was lucky in that her defect was small and she has thrived TREMENDOUSLY! I feel very grateful to have been under the care of such amazing nurses and doctors in a hospital, where they were able to immediately save her life. She is now a happy, healthy toddler!"

Baby Penelope

Anj's birth of her first son:

"Short version is labor started at 40W6D, he flunked the initial cEFM (continuous electronic fetal monitoring), eventually his heart rate went high with low variability and he was born emergent c-section after apparently bleeding out in utero for suspected Vasa Previa. His APGARs were 1 and 8 which is damned impressive for a baby that was born almost completely flat.

The critical components were continuous electronic fetal monitoring, skilled team for resuscitation, NICU, Blood Bank for his transfusion soon after birth - and of course the operating room and OB. My attending was a CNM. She could make the calls, but obviously not perform the surgery."

Amber's experience as a doula at the birth of one of her clients:

“This birth was a VBA2C (vaginal birth after 2 cesarean sections) in a hospital. Picture perfect labor and then complete placental abruption. The mother was in the operating room under general anesthesia with baby born in under 4 minutes. OB said that the abruption had nothing to do with the VBAC.”

Sara's birth of her son:

"I woke up with SROM (spontaneous rupture of membranes; aka water broke) at 38 weeks and 3 days after a completely uncomplicated pregnancy. Contractions didn't really start until around noon; I arrived at the hospital around 3pm and was dilated to 9 cm. I had a completely unmedicated birth (not even a heplock), with intermittent monitoring. My son was born at 5:44pm after a delivery that my CNM described as "textbook." Then I delivered the placenta and began hemorrhaging. While my CNM began a manual examination of my uterus, the L&D nurses were giving me pitocin, cytotec, running an I.V., and paging the attending OB. Within 15 minutes, I was wheeled back to the operating room for repair of a cervical laceration. I managed to avoid a blood transfusion thanks to prompt care, and because the OB did an expert job on the repair, I did not have cervical incompetence during my next pregnancy. I am grateful for hospital birth and competent providers."

An anonymous OB:

“The thing that always scares the bejeepers out of me is someone whose labor is just moving along beautifully with a gorgeous monitor strip and suddenly the fetal heart rate tanks, and you just can't get it back up. It's the cord. It's pinched, thin, twisted, prolapsed, or whatever, and it comes seemingly from out of the blue.”

Sarah’s birth of her third child:

“I had a home birth for my third child. My labor was going along fine if not a little fast. While I was pushing, my midwife picked up on low heart tones. They were around 50-60 BPM. They weren't recovering after the contractions. The midwife did not hesitate to say that we needed to transfer immediately, for that I consider myself very lucky. It was a forty minute drive to the hospital. I was in the backseat of our van with my rear end in the air, fighting through the most intense contractions, praying that the baby would be alive when we arrived at the hospital. When we got there, the baby's HR had picked back up. I started pushing again, only to have the HR dip dangerously low again. I headed into the OR for a c-section. It turns out that he was positioned poorly and the umbilical cord was wrapped three times around his neck tightly, and very short. His shoulders were also huge and wide. I believe the nuchal cord saved us from a tragic shoulder dystocia. There was no way that he was going to come out vaginally. I have had people tell me that ‘nuchal cords are no big deal, they happen all the time, you just have to slip it off the head.’ That may be so in some cases, but not always and not in my case. I am eternally grateful for the hospital staff for safely delivering my son.”

Desiree’s birth of her first child:

“Normal pregnancy, delivered day before due date, 7.5 hour unmedicated labor (except one round of abx for GBS), had mobility, expectant third stage... then, horrible postpartum hemorrhage requiring two IV uterotonics and internal massage, and left my HGB at a 6.”

Becky’s birth of her second child:

“My first birth was an uncomplicated vaginal birth. For my second, I was the picture of low risk until my daughter's cord prolapsed - in the hospital. We had to change floors, but they got her out in four minutes - including travel time. Her APGARs were 7 and 9.

The scary part is I didn't believe I was in labor, I thought that I was having Braxton Hicks. My husband and mother forced me to go to the hospital. If I had been anywhere else- even the hallway- my story would be very different.”

Myrisa’s birth stories of her first two children:

“For my first baby, I was 30. Low risk pregnancy. On my due date, my water broke, and my mucus plug fell into the toilet. Long story short, took 48 hours for me to get to 10 cm and pushed for 3 hours. Baby was beautiful, 9 pounds 5 oz, 21 inches. Then after what seemed like an eternity, my placenta still would not come. Over an hour later it still wouldn't come. I started bleeding badly but I did not know, as I was so tired and groggy. The room filled with people and an anesthesiologist was there numbing me up from the waist down. I didn't know what was going on and I passed out. I had post partum hemorrhage because of a retained placenta with accreta and I nearly lost my uterus. They had to scrape the placenta off the wall of my uterus since it would not contract; the placenta came out in pieces. They almost gave me a blood transfusion but instead kept me a couple days extra just to watch me. It took me a good 2 months to recover completely and to not walk without a limp.

I viewed that as a bad birth experience, and I decided on a homebirth with the next baby. I found a CPM. No complications. Labor day came right on her due date. I tolerated the labor well; it only lasted 7 hours this time. But when it came to pushing, I was in the labor tub and I delivered her head, but I could not deliver her body. The midwife and her assistant hurriedly got me on all fours (Gaskin maneuver) and I pushed - nothing happened. They rushed me out of the tub and I had to walk to the bed with the baby's head dangling between my legs. They laid me on the bed and put my legs up (McRobert's maneuver). After a short while of her seemingly twisting the baby around, she finally popped out. No cries were heard. I was getting scared, and I couldn't see her because she was on the bed between my legs still and they were doing CPR on her. After what seemed to be a looong time, I finally heard her sputter, then cry. They put her on my chest. I was just so relieved to see her alive! She was 9 pounds 12 oz, 22.5 inches. I had no clue what happened, and was just really grateful my baby was ok. Turns out, as my midwife later told me, she had pretty bad shoulder dystocia and she came out with meconium. My baby luckily had no birth injury, and is a totally healthy 3 year old now.”

Karen’s birth of her son:

“I had an unmedicated birth in a hospital at 41 weeks. It was my second birth and the patterns of contractions were textbook perfect. I had a great doula. No cEFM just intermittent monitoring. There was meconium while I pushed. When he was born, his first APGAR was 5, but it came up to 9 for the second. My husband watched them work on him and told me later it scared him a little.

When my placenta came out, I noticed my doctor looking down at it with a worried look. I had retained placenta. And no epidural. My doctor had to use his hand to remove the rest of the placenta (thank goodness for my doula!). I knew it had to happen and was a risk of natural childbirth so I have never felt violated for that action. It was handled quickly and professionally and I left the hospital with a healthy baby.”

Another anonymous OB:
“I had one of my patients come into Labor and Delivery b/c she couldn’t remember the last time she felt her baby move. She was laughing and felt embarrassed and thought she was being over paranoid. We monitored her and performed an ultrasound. A perfectly healthy, low risk mom and perfectly healthy little baby… she was 39 weeks pregnant... Her baby had passed away.  It was a cord accident, it was pinched too tightly. It was heartbreaking. We sat and cried together….

[As far as during labor,] I know two patients that have had Amniotic Fluid Embolisms. One happened during my residency and the other actually just happened a few months ago to a woman under the care of one of my partners. Both women and both babies amazingly survived. In the case of my partner, we had just had a drill days before it happened to cover this sort of scenario. It took a lot of hands to get the baby out and to work on the mother at the same time.”

Melissa’s birth of her first son:

After my first son was born, all seemed to be OK. It wasn’t until several hours later on after his birth the nurse noticed an issue when I was trying to nurse him. She thought he was turning a little blue so she calmly took him back to the nursery for the pediatrician on call to examine him. His oxygen saturations were not what they should have been so he was given oxygen. At this point I was so crazy exhausted that I was slipping in and out of sleep and I remember hearing him crying as they did various tests to him. Eventually my son was transferred from the small community hospital I had given birth in to one with a NICU. They did an echo several days later and diagnosed him as having a heart defect. After that he was transferred yet again to a hospital where he could get his heart surgeries. It was quite the introduction into motherhood let me tell you.”

Sarah’s birth and death of their first child:

“I delivered our first child, Kate, after receiving all of my prenatal care at an independent birth center. Though I had an uncomplicated pregnancy, as I passed 41 weeks I still hadn’t gone into labor.  I had a biophysical profile ultrasound, which I was told would indicate if my baby was doing well and if it was OK for me to continue my pregnancy.  The test result was an 8 out of the 8 total potential points in a biophysical ultrasound, but the test also indicated that my total amniotic fluid was below the acceptable level.  Our midwives told us that it was acceptable to continue waiting for my body to go into labor.

I went into labor a few days after I was 42 weeks pregnant and spent nine hours at the birth center in early labor. The midwives conducted intermittent monitoring of Kate’s heart rate and started hearing her heart beating irregularly. After an exam, they also noticed that my amniotic fluid was heavily stained with meconium. I was transferred from the birth center to a local hospital approximately 6 miles away.

After being monitored at the hospital, Kate’s and my vital signs started crashing, so I had an immediate, emergency C-section. In the operating room, I heard a nurse say that Kate’s heartbeat was in the 20’s (when normal is over 120). When Kate was delivered without a heartbeat, doctors resuscitated her, but it took over 10 minutes. In surgery, the doctors discovered that my uterus had ruptured, greatly complicating the procedure. I had never had any type of surgery on my uterus before and a uterine rupture on an unscarred uterus is very rare (possibly in the range of 1:20,000 births).  

When I’d recovered sufficiently from the anesthetic, we went to see Kate in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU).  As advised by the doctors, we disconnected Kate from life support. There was nothing anybody could do for her. I held her while she died. Kate's official cause of death was asphyxia from aspirated meconium; it had gotten into the alveoli in her lungs and she could not transfer oxygen into her bloodstream. We don't know if she tried breathing when my uterus ruptured because it cut off her oxygen supply, or if my placenta had some time earlier stopped working, or even abrupted (separated from my uterus).

Even if you do everything perfectly and have no complications you cannot control whether you will have a uterine rupture, a placental abruption, a hemorrhage, or some other problem that prevents the flow of blood and oxygen to the baby.

When you are on the rare side of a statistic (such as the low chance of uterine rupture), the rarity becomes irrelevant, when the risk becomes reality.  If I’d been anywhere other than the hospital when my uterus ruptured, I, too, most likely would’ve died or would not have been able to have another child.

Though we can’t know for sure what role my being two-plus weeks overdue played in Kate’s death, the heavy meconium, which was present long enough to have stained her fingernails, indicated that she should’ve been delivered much earlier than when I went into labor.”

Still Here

Hey folks, 

I've had to take a break for a while to work on some other things... I'll share with you at some point what it was/is. I've been working on a new blog post in my little free time here and there, I'm hoping to have it up soon... but soon may still be a bit. My apologies!

I'm still here though.... still blogging.... still advocating for safer out-of-hospital practices... still figuring out being a mommy of two... still figuring out life in general!!

Fleas. FLEAS!

I have to share my morning b/c it was just too ridiculous not to....

So I'm changing the baby's diaper around 7am and what the heck? There is a flea on my child's head. EW! I pick it off. Gross. Hour later, another diaper change and there is another flea on my baby!!!! So disgusted. What the heck?? I just gave our dogs their normal flea meds about a week ago so what gives? I check out the dogs anyway b/c they are obviously coming from somewhere...... and I see that my dogs are completely and totally covered in fleas and flea eggs! How did this happen?!!!

Ugh. I put the babe down for his nap and decide to buzz the dogs.

I start with our little guy b/c he's more difficult. The toddler is playing with his toys, sort-of interested b/c of the clippers, but not really. All is going fine. Dog one - I give up on getting him perfect bc there's just hair every where, he's too squirmy and by this point, the toddler is climbing all over me. And he's starting to get interested in the dog hair piled up on the floor. Dog one's fleas aren't so bad after all. Dog two's turn, our Golden Retriever. We usually keep her hair super short b/c it's easier, cleaner and she is just more active with short hair but for whatever reason, we decided to let her hair grow out this "winter" (it's So Cal. It's not winter). So maybe that's why she got fleas, they were just hiding deep in her long hair. Gross. Start shaving and they are E-VER-Y-WHERE. It seriously makes me itch just writing this. So now I've got this fairly large pile of dog hair on the ground (I did make a couple trips to throw some away but Golden's have a lot of hair). Flea and flea egg infested, gross dog hair. And of course, the toddler thinks it looks too fun to ignore any longer. So he comes over and jumps in and runs through the pile! Grabs it, throws it, runs through the room..... it's all over the place. Gross, flea and flea egg infested, disgusting hair is now getting all over the living room and dining room and oh fun, he heads for the office!

So I'm trying to wrangle my toddler, I get his pj's off (fleece pj's so the hair was just stuck to them in clumps) and somehow manage to distract him long enough to finish buzzing the dog's hair. I toss the dogs outside so I can clean and vacuum up the mess. But not before the toddler starts throwing our couch pillows into the explosion of dog hair. Yay!! Little by little, I'm vacuuming and removing items to our laundry room to the growing pile of items I need to wash that now has flea/flea egg infested dog hair all over them. Finally get it all cleaned up, gross hair bagged up & tossed out in the trash, vacuum emptied and now I need to bathe the dogs.

I get the dogs in the bathroom - they pretty much clawed the carpet as I pulled them in there b/c they knew what was coming and wanted no part of it. Toddler is excited for doggie baths so he pulls off his diaper and hops in the tub. I get in the tub and pull in one dog and of course, the babe wakes up. So I run over to grab him but my tank top is still covered in gross hair so I hold him out in front of me so he doesn't get the gross hair, I put him in his bouncer in the doorway and get back in the tub. Little dog washed and out pretty quickly. That was easy(ish).

Dog two. The big dog. The one covered in fleas. Gross. Get her in the tub and start washing. Toddler gets the soap and dumps about half of the full bottle (how did he grab that and twist the top so fast?!?!) on the dog and in the gross flea water. Oh and he starts sitting down and playing in the gross flea/flea egg water. It's so disgusting. I'm such a neat freak and germ freak that my skin was just crawling. It still is. The water was SO GROSS!! Whatever. So I have the dog covered in soap and my phone alarm goes off. A reminder I had set. It's sitting on the desk in the other room and vibrating and making it's alarm sound and it is freaking out the little dog. So little dog is barking his head off. It's freaking out the big dog so the big dog jumps out of the tub and I have to get out and pick her up to get her back in the tub. Soapy, drenched bathroom floor now. Fun. Toddler his whining b/c he wants to hold the shower head. And yaaaaaaaaaaaayyyy!! The drain gets clogged!

I don't know why but the little drain piece that is normally so easy to pull out won't budge more than an inch up (that probably makes no sense). So I'm pulling and twisting and can't get the drain stopper thing out. So I just have to sit there and hold it up to get all the gross water to drain at a reasonable speed so I can rinse off the big dog and get this over with. Finally it drains. I get her rinsed and set her free. Run out to turn off my alarm that has been annoyingly ringing all this time. Then it's time to shower myself and disinfect my flea-water bathing child.

A lovely, nice luke-warm shower.

That was my morning. It was lunch time by the end of that whole scene. Think you want kids and animals?? Think again, my friend.

A "Fischy" Doctor...

How many out there have heard of Dr. Stuart Fischbein?

I have heard about him a couple times b/c I read about his issues and probation on another blog and read about James Van Der Beek's wife's breech baby home birth (cringe) that he attended as the main care provider but did not realize he was so, um, in my community. My immediate community. He apparently has won (two times) Physician of the Year at the Doulas Association of Southern California awards - an association of which I am a member. And recently I saw photos of him on Facebook at a home birth with a midwife I know (she taught childbirth ed classes to my husband and I).

Anywho, all this mention of him so close to home and of course I had to Google him. I came across his website and saw that he's asking for money. I read the explanation for what the money is supposed to go toward but I'm still confused? It didn't make much sense to me and I still don't understand what his fund is for. Anyone know what he is using the money for?

I read a couple articles about him, like this one here which states:
"In Los Angeles Superior Court last year, he pleaded no contest to a misdemeanor charge of sexual exploitation involving the same patient and was sentenced to three years probation. A second count of the same offense was not prosecuted."
and:
"According to findings presented by Reyes with his proposed decision, Fischbein first met the patient at his Camarillo office. They had sex twice, both times during a period when Fischbein had advised against sex because of the surgery."
eek!
and:
""It's illegal under the business and professions code 726 for a physician to have sex with his or her patient," [Medical Board spokeswoman Candis] Cohen said. "And consent is no defense.""

So that explains his trouble with the law. So, I had to go to the Medical Board of California to see if I could find out more and see if they took any action. I did (find out more). And they did (take action).

Here's what I found at the Medical Board of California. There are two public record documents.

The first document (2007) details out the relationship between Dr. Fischbein and his patient. Things of note:
- respondant = Dr. Fischbein; S.K. = his female patient
- he performed surgery on S.K. on September 16th. S.K. was in a relationship at the time.
- Then there's this:


- on September 28th (12 days after surgery), he visited her at her home and "the two had consensual sexual intercourse"
 - on October 1st, they had sexual intercourse again
- another physician weighed in on this:

- I'm pretty sure he deviated from the standard of care by having sexual intercourse with S.K. period. Well, obviously, the law and the Med Board agree see it that way as well. Anywho.
- soooooo... her doctor told her she shouldn't have sex with anyone for 4-6 week (which would mean for her to not have sex with her then boyfriend).... and yet, 12 days later, her doctor has sex with her. Did he not care about the surgery he just performed on her? Or did he just not want her to have sex with anyone else?
- He ended up getting 7 years probation, more details of the order and his probation begin on page 11 of the above Med Board link


The second document (2011) details out his request to have his 7 year probation cease. I had read about this on another site as well. Things of note:

and

Can you imagine that poor patient of his if he actually made that movie about their relationship?! I would FREAK. That is horrible.

So he's still on probation. And I don't know if he has hospital privileges anywhere? It says he was asked to leave as Medical Director at a clinic and that he resigned from Cedars-Sinai hospital.

Anyway, apparently he does home births now. And he's asking for donations from people.

I don't know.... this all sounds horribly fishy to me. I can't say I'd be comfortable having him as my doctor. B/c I wouldn't be. At all. Sorry, my exact thoughts can pretty much be summed us as "ew, noooooooo."

He seems to have so many supporters and followers and people who worship him. Do people not know about this stuff? Do they know and not care? Thoughts?

Check!

Holy moly I am tiiiiiiiiired. I feel like I'm always playing catch up and wonder when the day is going to come when I'll actually feel all caught up. And the more days that pass where I feel this way, the more I'm starting to realize (and accept, kinda) that that day is just not going to come.

I remember getting into a good groove with our first child. Once he had settled into a good routine, I did, too. I had certain household tasks I would do on a daily basis and being the checklist-lover that I am, had a list for each day and the joy and checking off a box as I completed a task. Why does it feel so good to mark an item with a checkmark?! Don't think I haven't added already completed items to a list just so I could check them off.... and don't think that doesn't happen on a regular basis.

I have a checklist for EVERYTHING.... packing, shopping, household tasks... you name, I have a list.

Why do I feel like I've written about my love of checklists before? Am I going a little cray-cray?

I digress.

I know Stuart is not yet 4 months so it's not expected that a good routine be established yet but MAN, I can't wait to figure this out. I don't know exactly what I'm referring to really but just a good flow, I guess. I try so often to come up with a game plan for the day (or some times even get a little crazy and try to plan a few days... or a week) but something constantly throws a wrench in it.... an explosion in a diaper, a stubborn toddler, me just being too tired to move quickly enough, etc.... I'm always running 10 minutes behind and what the WHAT, why is a trip to the grocery store so impossible now?!?!

My former daily checklists have been completely ignored and now, my daily list pretty much just has the following items:
-keep kids alive and fed

Did I say items, as in plural?

My kitchen. Oh my kitchen. That's the one household task I have to stay on top of or I go bonkers. I need a clean kitchen. If my kitchen is clean, my sanity is just a little bit more intact. Our floors desperately need to be vacuumed, our furniture needs to be dusted, household organization is at an all-time low, and our list of home renovations keeps getting longer and longer without much progress being made on that front, either. But that kitchen has. to. be. clean.

On some days, this lack of routine leaves me completely frazzled. On others (like today), I just think "it is what it is, Dani, you're doing a-ok." Thank goodness for coffee. Thank goodness for other moms and candid mom conversations. Thank goodness for good support and funny friends who can help me find some humor even in meltdown moments. Thank goodness for the sense of freedom that comes along with a childless trip out and about, even if it's just to a doctor's appointment or Target (but really, who doesn't love a trip to Target alone??)

So, moms, how do you do it? What helped you get into a good groove when you had a baby or added a new baby to the bunch?

Protection of Home Birth

As I was writing my last blog post, several questions kept coming to mind that I just have to get out there....

Why is it so easy to believe that there are OB's out there who practice unethically and/or convince women of unnecessary interventions and cesarean sections but it is so hard to believe that there are home birth midwives out there who practice unethically and/or are under-trained? 

Why does it mean that if one accepts that our home birth midwifery system is flawed here in the US it means that person is anti-home birth and anti-women's right to choose? 

Why can't it mean that someone who is advocating for SAFER out-of-hospital standards mean that they care (maybe, even more) about women and protecting a woman's right to choose?

Why must home birth midwifery be protected so much that the preventable losses at home births are hidden and/or ignored by the home birth community?

Why does it mean that if we accept that birth may not always be normal, even for a woman who is low risk, it means we are living in fear?